Listening Across Generations
Listening helps bring diverse people together by allowing us to quickly connect, motivate, and engage others through our ideas. It also creates alliances, strengthening relationships and helping them survive misunderstandings and mistakes we might make. After all, who are you more likely to extend grace to when they offend you: the person with whom you regularly communicate and listen to, or the person you rarely engage with and only occasionally hear?
For many of us, we have become adept at pretending to listen to people from other generations without truly understanding them on a deeper level. We hear their words but unknowingly filter them through our own generational lens. Instead, we ought to listen with the intent to understand, using the knowledge we’ve gained about their generation and personality. Otherwise, we deceive ourselves into believing that we connect well with other generations, when in reality, we pay the most attention to those we respect or feel the need to respect—while giving minimal attention to those we believe do not demand our respect or allegiance.
By cultivating the ability to listen, leaders can connect at a greater level across generations, strengthening trust, collaboration, and innovation at all levels of their organization.
“It’s not just about listening to the person across the table from you, it’s being alert to the whole ecosystem in which you operate.”
Self-Assessment:
Listening Across Generations
Please take a few moments to contemplate the following self-reflection questions. Where can you identify opportunities for personal growth in your leadership?
1. Do I adapt my communication style to ensure clarity and effectiveness across different generations?
2. When engaging with team members, do I actively listen or find myself making assumptions based on age or experience?
3. Do I encourage open discussions where people feel safe sharing their thoughts, regardless of their generation?
4. How do I ensure that all voices—regardless of age—are valued and heard in meetings and decision-making?
5. Am I creating opportunities for cross-generational mentorship and collaboration?
6. Have I ever dismissed an idea because I assumed it was “too old-fashioned” or “too modern”?
7. Am I open to learning from younger and older employees alike, or do I tend to favor one group’s input over another?
8. How do my own generational biases influence the way I interpret feedback or ideas from others?
Take your time and reflect upon these questions honestly. Going forward, use your responses as a tool to assess your ability to connect across generations through listening and discover which areas need development. Additionally, seeking feedback from others and working with your ECFL Leadership Coach can provide valuable insights into your strengths and areas for improvement.
We must recognize that failing to listen well could endanger our leadership. Andy Stanley warned us of this when he said, “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” We would add that people may stop speaking to us even if they think we aren’t truly listening, creating a danger that extends beyond leadership and into our homes and families. Often, the most critical information for our success in any endeavor comes from outside sources. If our team, spouse, or teenager isn’t communicating with us, it may be because they’ve already sensed that we aren’t truly listening.
Ultimately, the strength of our relationships depends significantly on how well we listen.
For the Gen X team leader struggling to connect with his Millennial and Gen Z team members, the Baby Boomer manager who isn’t aligning with his Gen X CEO, or the Millennial father trying to understand his Gen Z daughter, listening with genuine interest is the first step toward bridging these generational gaps.
We can study generations all we want, but if we’re not truly listening to those around us, our relationships won’t grow, and challenges like building respect and trust will persist. So, where do we start? By practicing a deeper level of listening that acknowledges generational perspectives and meets people where they are:
Respect: “I respect you as a fellow human being, worthy of being heard.”
Intent: “I want to hear your why, as well as what you are saying.”
Commitment: “I commit to listening to you free from stereotypes.”
Listening openly and setting aside stereotypes helps us overcome assumptions, leading to workplaces, families, and teams that succeed across generations.
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”
In the children’s book, The Boy Who Knew Nothing, James Thorp tells the story of a little boy who sets out on an adventure to learn the identity of a particular item he found in his parents’ closet. He calls it a “thingammy-thing” and proceeds to journey far and wide, seeking wisdom from the likes of an owl, a giraffe, and an astronaut. Each calls the item something different, but none identifies it correctly. Finally, the boy returns home, his journey fruitless. Just before going to bed, the large, pink, plastic thing speaks and says, “My name is Flamingo.”
Just as the “thingammy-thing” would have answered the boy if he had simply asked, we often label people without truly considering who they are or what they are like—simply because we don’t ask. There’s a reason we don’t start at the source: even the simplest communication with different personalities and generations can feel intimidating. Don’t be too hard on yourself; it’s a universal challenge. A simple solution that greatly improves the quality and effectiveness of your listening is curiosity.
When it comes to effectively communicating with people who are different from us, a little curiosity goes a long way. By emphasizing curiosity, we keep our conversations focused on the other person. If you’ve already placed them at the center of the conversation, curiosity helps ensure you stay focused on them instead of drifting back to yourself. Curiosity also prompts you to form basic questions that uncover who they are and, perhaps more importantly, their personality type or generational outlook. This not only proves to the other person that they matter to you, but it also strengthens your relationship with them, expands your understanding of what makes them tick, and broadens your knowledge of both them and the world.
In an article in Harvard Business Review titled “The Business Case for Curiosity,” Francesca Gino writes, “When we are curious, we view tough situations more creatively.” However, curiosity helps us beyond just challenging situations; it also enables us to view difficult people more creatively, in novel and insightful ways. We all know someone we “just don’t get” or “can’t seem to get along with.” Rather than seeing these people as fundamentally different from ourselves, we should apply curiosity to understand why they are the way they are. And believe it or not, someone out there likely feels the same way about each of us—and needs curiosity to figure us out, too.
With curiosity guiding our conversations, we transform harmful stereotypes into broad, unbiased generalizations. Stereotypes are a negative, rigid way of categorizing others, lumping them into a group based on assumptions that may not be accurate. Generalizations, however, are broader and provide a flexible framework for understanding individuals based on how they might fit within a larger group.
“One key to being an effective leader: listen with curiosity.”
Listening in today’s diverse, multigenerational workplace involves more than words. It’s about tuning into the perspectives influenced by the different eras and experiences that shape each individual.
Here’s how leaders can listen authentically and actively across generations:
Drop the ‘Back in My Day’ Mentality: Every generation has its defining moments, but comparing experiences is not listening. Instead of saying, “When I was your age, we did it differently,” try, “Tell me more about how you see this issue.” This opens the door to genuine dialogue instead of shutting it down with nostalgia.
Read Between the Generational Lines: A Baby Boomer’s “That’s just how we’ve always done it” and a Gen Zer’s “Why do we do it this way?” may seem like opposing mindsets, but they are actually invitations for deeper discussion. Listen for the why behind their words. Are they seeking stability? Innovation? Efficiency? Growth? Respond accordingly.
Match the Medium, Not Just the Message: Gen Xers may appreciate face-to-face check-ins, Millennials might prefer a quick Slack message, and Gen Z could feel more comfortable with an asynchronous voice note. Ask, “How do you prefer to communicate?” and adjust when possible. Listening is not just about what’s said; it’s also about how it’s delivered.
Listen for Values, Not Just Words: When engaging in conversations, listen beyond the words. Different generations may use different language, but their underlying values often align. Identify what truly matters to them and reflect that understanding in your leadership:
Boomers seek loyalty.
Gen X values independence.
Millennials crave purpose.
Gen Z wants authenticity
Silence is Part of Listening: Not everyone processes information the same way. Some generations, especially Traditionalists and Baby Boomers, may pause before responding, while Millennials and Gen Z might prefer quick, fluid conversations. Get comfortable with silence. Give space for thought before filling the air with your own opinions.
Validate, Don’t Dismiss: Saying, “That’s not how the real world works,” to a younger employee instantly closes the door on open dialogue. Instead, try, “That’s an interesting perspective. Can you tell me more about why you see it that way?” Validation makes people feel heard, even if you don’t immediately agree.
Listen Like You’re Taking Notes (Even When You’re Not): When a team member—of any generation—shares their thoughts, ask yourself:
What did they just say?
What’s the feeling behind their words?
How can I reflect back what I heard?
Simply responding with, “What I’m hearing is…” or “So you’re saying…” shows you are engaged and value their input.
Invite Generational Wisdom to the Table: Reverse mentorship works both ways. Just as seasoned professionals have wisdom to share, younger generations bring fresh insights and adaptability. Pair different generations together in mentorship programs, brainstorming sessions, and leadership discussions. Cross-generational listening sparks innovation.
Authentic listening is not about agreeing; it’s about understanding. Leaders who master listening across generations build teams that are not only diverse in age but unified in purpose. Are you truly listening, or just waiting for your turn to speak? The difference defines great leadership.
Elevate your understanding of Listening Across Generations by taking flight with the following resources. Use this opportunity to navigate, uncover, and expand the horizons of your leadership influence.
7 Best Cross and Multi-Generational Training Activities
Bridging the Generation Gap: 5 Proven Strategies for Lasting Connections
60-Second HABITS That Connect Across Generations
Listening Across the Ages: Measuring Generational Listening Differences with the LCI-R
Elizabeth S. Parks (2020)