Listening - The Cornerstone of Mentoring
Listening is the cornerstone of effective mentorship. At MSS, it’s not just about hearing words but about understanding emotions, goals, and challenges. A mentor who listens carefully builds trust, fosters psychological safety, and creates stronger connections. This safe space allows mentees to share openly, take risks, and grow with confidence. This lesson will explore how listening transforms mentoring relationships and offer practical techniques to enhance your listening skills.
Self-Assessment: Listening - The Cornerstone of Mentoring
Please take a few moments to answer the following self-reflection questions. Where can you identify opportunities for personal growth in your leadership?
Do I give my full attention to my mentee during conversations, avoiding distractions like my phone or computer?
How often do I clarify or paraphrase what my mentee shares to ensure I fully understand their perspective?
Am I able to listen without interrupting, even when I feel I have advice or a solution?
Do I notice and respond to nonverbal cues, such as tone or body language, that may reveal unspoken feelings or concerns?
Do I encourage my mentee to share openly by creating a judgment-free and supportive environment?
How comfortable am I with allowing moments of silence during conversations to let my mentee reflect and gather their thoughts?
Do I ask open-ended questions that help my mentee think critically and explore their own solutions?
When listening to my mentee, do I prioritize understanding their needs over preparing my own response?
Remember, this self-assessment is just a starting point for understanding the importance of listening as a mentor. It's essential to reflect on your responses and actively work on areas where improvement is needed. Additionally, seeking feedback from others and working with your ECFL Leadership Coach can provide valuable insights into your emotional intelligence strengths and weaknesses.
Listening transforms mentoring into a true partnership. It helps mentors understand what really matters to their mentees—their goals, challenges, and ideas—and offer guidance that fits their unique needs. By listening with care, you create a connection that goes far deeper than just giving advice.
When you listen thoughtfully, you build trust and create a sense of psychological safety. As we’ve mentioned earlier, psychological safety means fostering an environment where your mentee feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns without fear of judgment. This safe space allows them to open up, take risks, and think critically, all while knowing they have your support.
Listening also involves noticing what isn’t being said. Tone of voice, facial expressions, posture, and other nonverbal cues often reveal emotions or hesitations your mentee might not voice directly. Here are a few things to look for as a mentor, along with ways you can use body language to reinforce trust and understanding:
Body Language to Watch for in Your Mentee:
Tense posture: They might be feeling stressed or unsure about what they’re saying.
Avoiding eye contact: This could mean they’re feeling nervous, uncertain, or hesitant to share.
Fidgeting or restless movements: They might be anxious or distracted.
Smiling or leaning forward: A sign they’re engaged, interested, or feeling positive about the conversation.
Body Language to Use as a Mentor:
Keep an open and relaxed posture: This shows you’re approachable and ready to listen.
Nod and give small affirmations: Simple gestures like nodding or saying “I get it” let them know you’re paying attention.
Make steady eye contact: It shows you’re focused on them and value what they’re saying.
Match their tone and energy where it feels natural: This can help them feel understood and at ease.
“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.”
Even with the best intentions, certain habits can get in the way of truly hearing and understanding your mentee. As a mentor, being aware of these barriers can help you become more intentional in your listening. Here are a few common obstacles to keep in mind:
Filtered Listening: Hearing only from your perspective instead of putting yourself in the mentee’s shoes. This often leads to hearing what you want to hear rather than what’s being shared.
Fact-Centered Listening: Focusing solely on facts and details instead of the person speaking. Being person-centered allows you to connect with their emotions and challenges, not just their words.
Rehearsing Your Response: When you start mentally preparing what to say next, you miss out on what is being shared in the moment.
Interrupting: Frequent interruptions can make your mentee feel dismissed or ignored. Ask yourself, “What’s keeping me from hearing them out?” to identify and address this habit.
Evaluative Listening: Judging what is being said as right or wrong instead of recognizing the validity of the other person’s perspective. Even if their view seems flawed now, it reflects their current experiences and understanding. Over time, perspectives evolve—and as a mentor, you can help guide that evolution through thoughtful listening and gentle questioning.
Recognizing these barriers helps you create a supportive environment where your mentee feels valued and comfortable sharing their thoughts. Addressing these habits is essential for building trust and supporting meaningful conversations.
Let’s take a look at how these barriers can show up in real mentoring situations and how they can be addressed. The following examples highlight common challenges mentors face and provide strategies for turning obstacles into opportunities for growth:
Scenario 1: Alex, a senior foreman, is mentoring Jordan, a new crew member who has been struggling to keep up with daily tasks. During a break, Jordan mentions, “I feel like I’m falling behind compared to everyone else.” Alex assumes Jordan needs encouragement and responds, “Don’t worry, you’re doing great—you’ll catch up.” Later, Alex reflects and realizes they didn’t dig deeper to understand Jordan’s challenges. In their next conversation, Alex asks, “What tasks feel the hardest to stay on top of right now?” Jordan explains that he’s unsure how to prioritize between equipment maintenance and jobsite clean-up. With this clarity, Alex provides targeted guidance on task management, helping Jordan feel more confident and capable.
Barrier: Alex initially engaged in filtered listening, hearing Jordan’s concerns through their own perspective instead of exploring Jordan’s specific struggles.
Solution: By asking open-ended questions and listening without assumptions, Alex was able to uncover the real issue and offer meaningful guidance.
“You cannot transmit wisdom and insight to another person. The seed is already there. A good teacher touches the seed, allowing it to wake up, to sprout, and to grow.”
Scenario 2: During a safety review meeting, Carla, a site supervisor, notices her mentee, Luis, hesitating to share his input on a process improvement. As Luis speaks, Carla starts planning what advice to give next, barely hearing the rest of his concerns. Luis pauses, sensing her lack of engagement, and the conversation trails off. Realizing her mistake, Carla refocuses and says, “I want to make sure I understand your concerns. Can you walk me through them again?” This time, she listens carefully, prompting Luis to share valuable insights on improving safety protocols. Carla’s renewed focus helps Luis feel heard and valued, boosting his confidence to speak up in future meetings.
Barrier: Carla fell into the habit of rehearsing her response, focusing on what she wanted to say rather than fully listening to Luis.
Solution: By resetting her focus and asking Luis to repeat his thoughts, Carla demonstrated active listening and showed she valued his input.
These scenarios highlight how listening challenges can arise and how thoughtful actions strengthen mentoring relationships. Recognizing barriers and addressing them intentionally helps build trust and open communication, creating a foundation for growth for both mentor and mentee.
Take a moment to reflect: What small changes can you make in your listening approach to create a more supportive and effective mentoring experience?
Now that we’ve seen how listening barriers can affect mentoring, let’s focus on how to strengthen your listening skills. Great listening helps you build trust, deepen connections, and create meaningful mentoring relationships. The steps below will guide you in listening more intentionally and making a positive impact on your mentees:
Practice Active Listening: Active listening means focusing entirely on the speaker without distractions. It involves maintaining eye contact, nodding, and providing affirmations like “I see” or “That makes sense” to show engagement. By staying present in the conversation, you ensure that the mentee feels heard and understood. Active listening promotes trust and encourages open communication.
Avoid Interruptions: Allowing mentees to fully express their thoughts without interjecting shows respect and patience. Interruptions can disrupt their flow and discourage them from sharing. Instead, wait for natural pauses before responding, ensuring that your mentee feels valued. Letting mentees speak freely builds confidence and strengthens rapport.
Listen Beyond Words: Pay attention to tone, body language, and unspoken cues that may reveal emotions or concerns not explicitly stated. These subtle signals can provide valuable context and help you address underlying issues. Recognizing these nonverbal cues shows empathy and deepens understanding. Understanding unspoken emotions can lead to more meaningful mentorship conversations.
Clarify and Paraphrase: Repeating or paraphrasing what your mentee has said ensures you’ve understood them correctly. For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with balancing priorities. Is that right?” This technique also validates their experiences and invites further discussion. Clarifying ideas demonstrates attentiveness and encourages deeper dialogue.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage mentees to elaborate by asking questions like “What do you think might work?” or “How does this challenge align with your goals?” Open-ended questions promote critical thinking and help mentees feel empowered to explore their own solutions. Asking thoughtful questions helps mentees take ownership of their development.
Be Comfortable with Silence: Silence often allows mentees to gather their thoughts and reflect. Avoid the urge to fill every pause; instead, give them the space to process what’s been said. This patience can lead to deeper insights and more meaningful exchanges. Pausing during conversations gives mentees room to reflect and respond thoughtfully.
Suspend Judgment: Listening without judgment creates a safe environment where mentees can share openly. Avoid rushing to conclusions or offering immediate solutions. By focusing on understanding their perspective first, you build trust and encourage candid communication. A judgment-free space fosters open and authentic dialogue.
Reflect on What You’ve Heard: After conversations, take a moment to process what your mentee has shared. Reflecting on their words allows you to identify recurring themes or areas where they need additional support. This practice enhances your ability to provide targeted and meaningful guidance. Reflecting on discussions helps mentors identify opportunities for deeper support.
This week, challenge yourself to listen with intention. Seek out moments during conversations, whether on the site, in team meetings, or during a quick check-in, where you can give your full attention. Actively focus on what your mentee is saying and observe the subtle cues that reveal their unspoken thoughts and emotions. Take time afterward to reflect on what you’ve learned, considering how their insights can guide your support and strengthen your mentoring approach.
Prioritizing listening goes beyond helping your mentee—it’s about building stronger connections across your team. When you take the time to be present and truly understand those around you, you create an environment of trust and collaboration. At MSS, listening helps everyone grow together, making the organization stronger and more successful for everyone involved.
To push your understanding of the importance of listening in mentorship to the next level, explore these valuable resources. They’ll help expand your skills and provide essential tools for building strong leadership.
Types of Listening Skills (4:43)
Listen Better: 5 Essential Phrases for Active/Reflective Listening (7:10)