Overcoming Ego for Growth
Ego is one of the biggest barriers to coachability. It can make you defensive, resistant to input, or hesitant to admit areas for improvement, all of which limit growth. Overcoming ego does not mean losing confidence. It means embracing vulnerability, accepting challenges as opportunities, and shifting your mindset toward continuous learning.
Our ego often acts as a defense mechanism, protecting us from discomfort, uncertainty, or feeling judged. While this is natural, unchecked ego can backfire, leading to missed opportunities for growth and weaker relationships. Recognizing ego as a normal response, rather than a personal flaw, allows you to manage it more effectively.
Leaders who let ego take over risk creating an environment where learning and collaboration suffer. Colleagues may hesitate to offer input, and teams may hold back if they perceive a leader as unapproachable. By learning to set ego aside, you create space for better decision-making, stronger relationships, and a culture of continuous improvement.
“The greatest leaders are those who are willing to listen and learn, knowing that their ego is their greatest enemy.”
Self-Assessment: Overcoming Ego for Growth
Please take a few moments to answer the following self-reflection questions. Where can you identify opportunities for personal growth in your leadership and coachability?
Do I find it difficult to admit when I am wrong or when I do not have all the answers?
When someone offers input, do I listen openly, or do I feel the need to justify my actions?
Do I ever dismiss ideas too quickly because they challenge my way of thinking
How do I respond when someone points out an area where I could improve?
Do I see vulnerability as a strength in leadership, or do I associate it with weakness?
Have I ever avoided asking for help because I worried it would make me look less capable?
When faced with a challenge, do I focus on learning and growth, or do I become defensive?
How comfortable am I with receiving input from people in different roles, even if they have less experience than me?
Remember, this self-assessment is just a starting point for overcoming your ego as a leader. It's essential to reflect on your responses and actively work on areas where improvement is needed. Additionally, seeking feedback from others and working with your ECFL Leadership Coach can provide valuable insights into your emotional intelligence strengths and weaknesses.
Ego is often the invisible barrier between where you are and where you want to be. It can keep you stuck in old patterns, prevents you from accepting input, and makes it difficult to admit when something is not working. Leaders who struggle with ego often see challenges as threats rather than opportunities to grow. Instead of listening to different perspectives, they may feel the need to defend their actions, justify decisions, or prove their expertise.
Ego-driven reactions are usually tied to fear. Fear of failure, fear of losing credibility, or fear of being seen as less capable can cause leaders to resist anything that challenges their sense of control. But the best leaders recognize that growth requires discomfort. By shifting from a mindset of protecting their ego to one of continuous learning, they gain the ability to make better decisions, strengthen relationships, and build a team that trusts them.
Leaders who manage their ego create an environment where:
People feel comfortable sharing their ideas and perspectives
Input is viewed as an opportunity rather than a challenge to authority
Mistakes are used as learning experiences instead of sources of blame
The shift from an ego-driven mindset to a growth-focused one does not happen overnight. It takes intentional effort and self-awareness to recognize when ego is influencing your behavior and to actively choose a different response.
“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly no longer the ego but just an old, conditioned mind patter. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.”
Daily Ego Check-In
One way to stay mindful of your ego is to do a quick ego check-in at the end of each day or week. This simple practice helps you track patterns in your reactions and identify areas where you might need to shift your mindset.
Ask yourself:
Did I feel defensive at any point today? What triggered that reaction?
Was I more focused on proving I was right than on listening?
Did I dismiss an idea too quickly? What would have happened if I had explored it further?
Did I resist admitting a mistake or adjusting my approach?
Was there a moment where I chose curiosity over defensiveness? What was the result?
Journaling these answers or reflecting on them regularly helps leaders identify where ego is influencing their leadership. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward managing them. Over time, small adjustments in mindset and behavior lead to better collaboration, stronger relationships, and more effective decision-making.
Ego can be one of the biggest obstacles to growth, often showing up as defensiveness or resistance to new ideas. Learning to manage it does not mean losing confidence—it means recognizing when your pride or emotions are getting in the way of learning.
By shifting from defensiveness to curiosity, separating feedback from personal identity, and reframing vulnerability as a strength, leaders become more coachable and adaptable. Here are some best practices to help you recognize when ego is taking over and make intentional choices that lead to real growth:
Recognize Ego and Replace Defensiveness with Curiosity: Ego often shows up as defensiveness when receiving input or facing challenges. The first step is recognizing when this happens and pausing before reacting. Instead of feeling the need to protect your position, shift to a mindset of curiosity.
Ask yourself, What might they be seeing that I am missing?
Instead of pushing back, ask, Can you give me an example?
Separate Feedback from Your Identity: Feedback is about your actions or behavior, not your value as a person or leader. It’s easy to take feedback personally, but this mindset can block your ability to learn and grow.
When you receive input, remind yourself, “This feedback is here to help me grow, not to diminish me.”
Focus on the specific behaviors being discussed, and think about how adjusting them could improve your outcomes.
Reframe Vulnerability as Strength: Admitting areas for improvement does not make you weak—it shows confidence and self-awareness. Leaders who are willing to acknowledge growth areas build trust and encourage their teams to do the same.
Start by sharing a development goal with a trusted colleague and asking for their input.
Acknowledge when you do not have all the answers and invite collaboration.
Pause and Reflect to Gain Clarity: Ego can make leaders react impulsively when they feel challenged. Instead of immediately responding, practice pausing. A short moment of reflection can prevent a defensive reaction and help you respond thoughtfully.
If you feel yourself reacting emotionally, take a deep breath and count to five before speaking.
Ask yourself, What is the most productive way to respond?
Surround Yourself with Honest Feedback Partners: Build relationships with people who will provide honest, constructive feedback rather than sugarcoating their input. These trusted partners can help you identify blind spots and hold you accountable for your growth.
Ask trusted colleagues, What is one thing I could do better as a leader?
Be intentional about seeking feedback from those who have different perspectives.
Ego does not have to be eliminated, but it does need to be managed. When leaders let it take over, they stop listening, resist input, and make it harder for their team to trust them. But when they set it aside, they make better decisions, build stronger relationships, and create an environment where people feel heard and respected. True confidence comes from knowing when to listen, consider other perspectives, and focus on what is best for the team. In the next lesson, we will talk about humility and how it helps leaders earn trust, work better with others, and create a team where everyone can succeed together.
Reflection Questions:
What are the signs that ego is influencing how you receive feedback?
How can you reframe vulnerability to see it as a strength rather than a weakness?
What strategies can you use to pause ego-driven reactions during feedback conversations?
To push your understanding of overcoming you ego to the next level, explore these valuable resources. They’ll help expand your skills and provide essential tools for building strong leadership.
Brené Brown - Embracing Vulnerability
A Blessing And A Curse: How Can Leaders Manage Their Egos?
The Ego-Trap: How Coaching Helps Leaders Manage and Overcome Ego-Driven Behaviors